How To Prepare For Short-Term Renters Next Door

My neighbour Bill just told us he is going to rent out his home on a short-term-rental site. Our neighbourhood has always been quiet and peaceful and filled with year-round, full-time residents, so this is new and sort of scary to all of us. How concerned should we be?

Signed, Bill’s Neighbour (a fictitious human)

Dear Bill’s Neighbour:

It was nice of Bill to mention that he was going to be renting the house. I note, however, that you did not say he asked if you would mind, so we have to assume he doesn’t care. Is Bill a little bit of a jerk? A “shovels his driveway but not the old lady across the street” kind of a guy? It doesn’t matter because Bill is now dead to us. You and your neighbours have to worry about yourselves.

The amount of concern you should have about the new, rotating cast of renters next door ranges from “none at all” to “Why is there a car in our pool?” To assist you and your community in dealing with this uninvited incursion by unknown vacationing-type people and other itinerants into your peaceful neighbourhood, here are the various types of short-term renters, and a colour-coded threat level and action plan for each.

Renter type: Invisible

Identified by: Nothing. You literally won’t know they’re there. They are quieter than the neighbours who own the house. This type of renter most likely represents the vast majority of short-term renters; people who just want a quiet family vacation somewhere cool in a nice house. Maybe some porch beers. Wave if you see them, which you won’t.

Threat level: Cellophane. A complete absence of threat. You don’t need to do anything unless you want to, which you won’t.

Renter type: Cool New Friends

Identified by: Musical selections—be it Lizzo, Kenny Chesney or The Carpenters—that coincidentally match yours and are played at socially appropriate hours and decibel levels. They beckon you to come over for drinks when they see you because they want to learn more about your interesting home town. You dig them. You swap emails and make plans to connect when you’re in their home town.

Threat level: Pink… for—LOVE them!!

Renter type: Gang of Inconsiderate Clods

Identified by: Large groups who you can hear talking even when inside your own house because they are always talking at the top of their lungs, though standing mere feet apart. Their cars fill your neighbour’s driveway, part of the street, and will, at some point, block you from leaving your driveway. They give you stink eye when approached about moving the cars. Their music and parties are not quite loud enough and not quite late enough to force you to call the cops, but you’re always a few seconds away from dialing those three magic numbers.

Threat level: Chartreuse. Ignore them to the extent possible. They will be gone in a week.

Renter type: Only People on the Planet

Identified by: Late night parties with music that appears to be entirely bass, screaming fights on the front yard, toddlers meandering aimlessly and unchaperoned on the street, animals of all sorts running off leash, at least three appearances by the cops. Hammering on your front door at 3 a.m. by confused/lost renters demanding to be let in or else they’ll “kick in your teeth.” These renters have zero respect for, indeed seem unaware of, the fact that they are not the only people on Earth.

Threat level: Red mist. Before you wake up in the backyard of Bill’s house with a gas can and a lighter, with no idea how you got there, have a heart to heart with him. Tell him his renters are not only destroying the fabric of the community and violating the town noise ordinances, but they are trying to saw up his wooden patio furniture for the fire pit, have dumped a bunch of green Jello powder into his pool, and are turning his garage door into a mural of some sort. Don’t feel bad about lying. It’s the least of the sins currently occurring on or near your property.

Renter type: Rave Advertised on TikTok

Identified by: Thousands and thousands of people. Unconscious or tweaking partiers everywhere, including your bathtub. (Does it matter at this point how they got there?) SWAT team response with National Guard unit on standby.

Threat level: For Sale. Move out as soon as you can. Then list with a local real-estate agent who is a good liar (redundancy alert), or find out which short-term-rental site Bill is using.

Former Google CEO Eric Schmidt is selling his Northern California estate, which was listed Monday for $24.5 million.

Located in Atherton, an extremely affluent town northwest of Palo Alto and about 30 miles south of San Francisco, the 3.36-acre property is made up of three parcels that Schmidt acquired over the years, according to public records and Compass, who has the listing.

Schmidt, 69, and his wife, businesswoman Wendy Schmidt, purchased the main home in 1990 for $2 million, according to public records accessed via PropertyShark. They remodelled the 1969 home in 2007, and at that time, bought a neighbouring parcel of land, allowing an expansion of the main house and the addition of a guest house, according to Compass, who holds the listing. A third parcel was later acquired, on which the Schmidts added an English garden house and landscaped grounds overlooking the Eastern Hills.

“Finding three contiguous parcels in Atherton is rare. Even rarer are those with views of the Eastern hills,” said listing agent Katharine Carroll of the reSolve Group at Compass. “The location of this residence is ultra private, at the back of a cul-de-sac with the main house built into a hillside that provides privacy and very good security.”

Across the estate, there are five bedrooms, five full bathrooms and six half bathrooms.

The 5,265-square-foot main house also offers a number of private outdoor spaces on its upper level, including a large terrace off the primary suite, another large terrace off a secondary bedroom, plus a third smaller terrace and two balconies.

Behind the main house is a patio with a pool and spa. For even more outdoor space, there’s an entertaining pavilion, an open lawn and an outdoor fireplace area near the guest quarters.

The grounds themselves are also a standout feature, with an array of mature plants and specimen trees. The upper portion of the property’s landscaping is designed around an Amdega-designed conservatory, which was imported from the U.K. Around the greenhouse, there is a garden of raised beds and fruit trees, Carroll said.

“From the moment you step onto the grounds, it feels as if you’ve been transported to a private botanical sanctuary,” she said.

Schmidt served as Google’s CEO from 2001 to 2011, and then became the company’s executive chairman until 2015. He could not be reached for comment.

This article first appeared on Mansion Global