The Lessons I’ve Learned From My Friends’ Expensive Divorces

My girlfriend and I treat the outside of our apartment fridge like one big collage.

In the past few years, after attending wedding after wedding after wedding, we have unwittingly created a standing scrapbook of “Save the Date!” magnets and floral-patterned invitations, among other gilded mementos. But recently, we decided it was time to give the fridge collage a refresh. And in doing so, we realised something depressing: The majority of the happy-looking couples pictured were either now divorced, breaking up or in the process of seriously re-evaluating their relationship.

As a friend, I’ve learned so much from my newly divorced pals, and I admire the resilience, optimism and strength they demonstrated in the face of their breakups. But as a personal-finance columnist, I have also taken a lot of money lessons from these new divorcées—and I believe the insight is relevant to more than just other married couples.

One friend was able to rely on her prenuptial agreement to save her close to $100,000 in the wake of a speedy split; another woman I know escaped a financially abusive relationship with less than a grand to her name remaining in her savings account.

Darla Gale , a California-based therapist and founder of Heartstrings Counseling, says she often talks with clients about making meaning from these relationships and the accompanying financial fallout. Sharing lessons and experiences is one way to do so. “Money comes up a lot in my practice, because financial hardships are one of the reasons for divorce,” she says. “It can be very empowering to say, ‘I can do this on my own. I just didn’t have the tools to do it on my own.’ ”

Together isn’t always better

The dissolution of a relationship can bring a host of financial lessons that shape how we talk about money in our relationships going forward—whether we were the bride, the groom or the smiling person snapping a selfie with the cake.

In my previous reporting, I’ve researched quite a bit about just how beneficial it can be for couples to combine finances. Studies show this enables them to maximise their potential to grow wealth and even leads to both partners feeling happier in the relationship.

But after witnessing their first wave of divorces, many younger people are embracing a different approach. “I’m doing a lot of prenuptial agreements for people who are younger, and they are for the most part wanting to keep their money separate, which is interesting and very different from the way prenups were done 10 to 20 years ago,” says Lisa Zeiderman , a New York-based divorce lawyer.

Gale says she now often sees couples doing both: sharing expenses in one joint account, for example, while still maintaining separate funds “so it doesn’t feel like one person is more in control.”

Inspired by this approach, my girlfriend and I have adopted something similar. To save for a down payment on a future house, we contribute near-equal amounts to a joint high-yield savings account that we opened together. We also share a credit card to use when we buy groceries, pay our dog’s vet bills or handle other shared expenses.

But at the same time, we both maintain separate checking accounts and saving accounts, for our own individual needs. This way, should disaster ever strike, we’re both able to maintain a level of personal autonomy and build our own lives anew.

After all, as Gale put it, “Autonomy equals equality.”

Older is better…and worse

Here’s the good news I’ve learned while looking at divorce through a personal (and personal-finance) lens: On the whole, millennial couples are actually divorcing at lower rates than people of previous generations at similar ages.

Economist Brett House , a professor of professional practice in the economics Division at Columbia Business School, attributes this decline to two important things: Millennials are getting married at later ages. And they’re likelier to have received more education by the age of their first marriage.

But waiting to tie the knot doesn’t protect you against the financial fallout of a divorce—if anything, marrying later means both parties might have had more time to accumulate more assets that could lead to financial conflict once split.

“People may be more mature and more aware of themselves and clearer about what they want from a relationship than was the case in earlier years,” House says.

Gale recommends clearly stating those financial priorities at the start of a relationship, when everything still seems rosy. “Don’t be sneaky about it, but go into the relationship and say ‘I’m going to have a separate bank account, whether that is for going out or having a ‘fun’ fund but autonomy is really important to me,’ ” she says.

And watch your potential partner’s reaction to such a conversation—that can also inform your decision to build a life with them.

Don’t compromise your career

In her many years advising women and working in divorce courts, Zeiderman says she often gives young to-be-married women the same advice: Don’t lose sight of your career.

Zeiderman has seen firsthand how difficult it is for many people, in compromising their own professional trajectories, to rebuild their earnings post-divorce.

“So many decide, frankly, to let the other person build their career and then at the end of the day, you cannot make up for this in spousal support, you cannot make up for it in the distribution of their assets,” she said. “Stay in the workforce. You must.”

We like to think that is easy to do, but in practice, both partners prioritising their careers isn’t easy.

This summer, I’ll have just embarked upon a new career as a freelance writer and podcast host; at the same time, my girlfriend, also a journalist, will be traveling throughout France covering the summer Olympics. We talked in advance about how important this summer will be for us, work-wise, and agreed that although our relationship—and our patience!—may be tested, affording each other some grace during this high-pressure time will go a long way. Building our careers will benefit our household bottom line, but it’s also insurance for both of us.

The ‘what if we broke up’ talk

“The forethought is easier to do when things are good,” Zeiderman told me. And her words stuck with me.

I thought back to the dozens of conversations I’ve had with my divorced friends. So many of them regretted never discussing money goals, habits or strategies with their partners in advance of marriage. Far too often, they said, they worried bringing up finances would dampen the excitement of the honeymoon phase; then, months or years later, the unsaid words curdled and soured with resentment.

My girlfriend and I keep a standing monthly “money date” on the calendar. We make the time to curl up on the couch, just the two of us, and review our household finances. For us, that looks like going over the bank statement and checking on progress made toward our financial goals. On past money dates, we’ve compared prices for coming purchases, paid down debt and even shared how things stand in our separate personal accounts.

No one likes paying bills or calculating debt totals, but we work hard to make the process as painless as possible. But this coming month, I think the topic I have planned may be our most uncomfortable one yet.

That’s because, inspired by Zeiderman and Gale, this time I have something particularly “special” planned for our money date: the “What if we broke up?” conversation.

I want to plan out how we would divide our shared assets and then put these details in writing—together. If something were to happen in the future, we could hopefully put aside our differences to rely on this plan and make the detangling of our finances much simpler.

Luckily for me, my girlfriend knows me well enough by now to see the romance hiding in this gesture.

Former New Hampshire Gov. Chris Sununu delivered a warning to Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent during a recent visit to Washington: Already-high airfares will surge if the war in Iran doesn’t end soon.

Sununu, a Republican who represents some of the biggest airlines as president of the industry group Airlines for America, has for weeks sounded the alarm to Trump administration officials about the economic fallout from high jet fuel prices. The war, Sununu has argued, must come to a close soon, or things will get worse.

Administration officials have gotten the message.

Privately, President Trump’s advisers are increasingly worried that Republicans will pay a political price for the rising fuel costs, according to people familiar with the matter. Many of those advisers are eager to end the war, hoping prices will begin to moderate before November’s midterm elections.

The fallout from the U.S.-Israeli attack in late February has slowed traffic through the Strait of Hormuz, a vital shipping lane, triggering a sharp increase in oil, gasoline and jet-fuel prices.

That means consumers are grappling with high costs ahead of the summer travel season, as they consider vacation plans.

Sixty-three per cent of Americans said they put a great deal or a good amount of blame on Trump for the increase in gas prices, according to a new poll conducted by NPR, PBS and Marist.

More than 8 in 10 Americans said struggles at the gas pump are putting strain on their finances.

Jet-fuel prices roughly doubled in a matter of weeks after the war began, and they have remained high. Airlines have said that will add billions of dollars of additional expenses this year, squeezing profit margins.

U.S. airlines spent more than $5 billion on fuel in March—up 30% from a year earlier, according to government data.

Carriers have been raising ticket prices, hoping to pass the cost along to consumers, and they are culling flights that will no longer make money at higher price levels.

In March, the price of a U.S. domestic round-trip economy ticket rose 21% from a year earlier to $570, according to Airlines Reporting Corp., which tracks travel-agency sales.

So far, airlines have said the higher fares haven’t deterred bookings and they are hoping to recoup more of the fuel-cost increases as the year goes on.

Earlier this week, Trump said the current price of oil is “a very small price to pay for getting rid of a nuclear weapon from people that are really mentally deranged.”

Secretary of State Marco Rubio told reporters that if Iran got a nuclear weapon, the country would have more leverage to keep the strait closed and “make our gas prices like $9 a gallon or $8 a gallon.”

Trump has taken steps in recent days to bring the war to an end. Late Tuesday, the president paused a plan to help guide trapped commercial ships out of the Strait of Hormuz, expressing optimism that a deal could be reached with Iran to end the conflict.

Crude oil prices fell below $100 a barrel on Wednesday, after reports that Iran and the U.S. are working with mediators on a one-page framework to restart negotiations aimed at ending the conflict and opening the strait.

Sununu said Trump administration officials are conscious of the economic fallout from the war: “They get it…and I think that’s why they’re trying to get through the war as fast as they can.”

But he cautioned that it could take months for prices to return to prewar levels.

“Ticket prices won’t go down immediately” after the strait is fully reopened, Sununu said. “You’re looking at elevated ticket prices through the summer and fall because it takes a while for the prices to go down.”

Since the initial U.S.-Israeli attack in late February, Sununu has met in Washington with National Economic Council Director Kevin Hassett, representatives from the Transportation Department and senior White House officials.

A White House official confirmed that Hassett and Sununu have discussed the effect of increased fuel prices on the airline industry. The official said the conversation touched on how the industry can mitigate the impact of high jet fuel prices on consumers.

“The president and his entire energy team anticipated these short-term disruptions to the global energy markets from Operation Epic Fury and had a plan prepared to mitigate these disruptions,” White House spokeswoman Taylor Rogers said, pointing to the administration’s decision to waive a century-old shipping law in a bid to lower the cost of moving oil.

Rogers said the administration is working with industry representatives to “address their concerns, explore potential actions, and inform the president’s policy decisions.”

A Treasury Department spokesman pointed to Bessent’s recent comments on Fox News that the U.S. economy remains strong despite price increases. The spokesman said Treasury officials have met with airline executives, who have reaffirmed strong ticket bookings.

“We’re cognizant that this short-term move up in prices is affecting the American people, but I am also confident, on the other side of this, prices will come down very quickly,” Bessent told Fox News on Monday.

The war has already contributed to one casualty in the industry: Spirit Airlines. Company representatives have said they were forced to close the airline because the sustained surge in jet-fuel prices derailed the company’s plan to emerge from chapter 11 bankruptcy.

The Trump administration and Spirit failed to come to an agreement for the company to receive a financial lifeline of as much as $500 million from the federal government.

Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy has argued that the Iran war wasn’t the cause of Spirit’s demise, pointing to the company’s past financial struggles, as well as the Biden administration’s decision to challenge a merger with JetBlue.

Other budget airlines have also turned to the federal government for help since the U.S.-Israeli attack. A group of budget airlines last month sought $2.5 billion in financial assistance to offset higher fuel costs, and they separately wrote to lawmakers asking for relief from certain ticket taxes.

The Lessons I’ve Learned From My Friends’ Expensive Divorces

So many couples I know have broken up, or contemplating it. It has given me a lot to think about for my own relationship.

Together isn’t always better

Older is better…and worse

Don’t compromise your career

The ‘what if we broke up’ talk

Administration officials have spoken to the airline industry, which has voiced concerns about the rising costs.