What’s worse than having an affair? Lying about money

One in five Australians think lying to a partner about spending or income is worse than physically cheating or having an affair. A Finder survey of 1,096 people found Baby Boomers are the most worried about financial lies in a relationship, with 23 percent feeling concerned about it. This compares to 22 percent of millennials, 21 percent of Gen X and 18 percent of Gen Y.

Sarah Megginson, Finder’s personal finance expert, said there can be major fallout from financial secrets.

“Purposefully hiding information about money is a major red flag in relationships, especially when couples share finances,” she said. “Financial lies can be quite destructive and leave people feeling betrayed and untrusting. As our research shows, it can cause even more pain than a romantic affair.”

Ms Megginson said people lie about money for several reasons.

“For some people, the motivation to be dishonest is born out of embarrassment over a secret debt or an addiction that’s gotten out of control,” she said. “For others, it’s less about shame, and more about wanting to be prepared with a financial safety net in the event the relationship ends poorly, so they might have a ‘secret’ account they haven’t told you about.”

Keeping finances separate is a rising trend among couples in Australia, even if they are married with children. St George Bank surveyed 1,500 parents in 2018 and discovered only 51 percent combined their incomes in joint accounts, and 37 percent kept their money separate. The research also showed one in four people were keeping a financial secret. Women were more likely to keep a large debt secret and men were more likely to have a private savings account. Other financial indiscretions people were keeping to themselves included a large purchase or a secret credit card.

Research by Relationships Australia shows many couples are not having conversations about financial arrangements before entering into committed relationships. Four in 10 people did not discuss how their personal incomes would be shared before they committed to their partner. A majority of women (74 percent) and men (69 percent) reported no discussion about how finances would be divided if the relationship ended.

Ms Megginson said money was a source of conflict for many couples, with 40 percent of survey respondents saying the conflict related to their partners overspending. She encouraged couples to have regular, honest conversations. “If you’re hiding something, consider coming clean sooner than later. The longer it goes on, the bigger the problem can grow and the more elaborate your lies are likely to become.

“Financial trust is really crucial in a relationship, so it’s ideal if you can talk openly about money and get on the same page, and ideally support each other to reach financial goals together. If you feel like you are being taken advantage of or if you can’t leave a relationship because of financial issues, contact the National Debt Helpline,” she said.