Good News: You Don’t Have to Sleep With Your Spouse

Ever tried to get a good night’s sleep with your partner snoring or tossing around restlessly next to you?

You’re gonna like this: Therapists and sleep scientists say it’s OK for couples to sleep apart as a growing body of research shows the striking importance of sleep. It’s a reversal from the long-held marriage tenet that once partners move to separate beds, the romance is dead.

Sleep is “essential for a healthy body, mind and relationship,” says Wendy Troxel, clinical psychologist, sleep scientist at Rand and author of a book on couples sleeping. “It’s important to prioritise it.”

Therapists have a caveat. If you and your partner do move to separate beds, you need to find a way to continue to be intimate, both emotionally and physically. Co-sleeping provides important benefits for a couple, such as emotional closeness and opportunities for cuddling, sex and conversation. Partners who sleep well together should stick with it.

In the beginning of their marriage, Mark and Paula White shared the same bed. But neither of them was getting a good night’s rest. Paula is a night owl who keeps the TV on, even when she’s asleep. Mark keeps a fan running at the foot of the bed and happily wakes up at 3 a.m.

Once, he flipped over in his sleep and accidentally punched her in the face. Another time, his snoring and “garlicky breath” made her snap and scream: “I can’t breathe! You’re taking my air!”

That was 32 years ago. Since then, the Whites have mostly slept in separate rooms, even choosing separate beds on vacation.

“We’re better people and we have a better relationship because we get better sleep,” says Paula, 60, a business owner in New Albany, Ohio.

When we sleep well, we stave off a host of physical- and mental-health problems, such as diabetes, hypertension and depression. Our relationships improve, because we’re less irritable, less frustrated, and better at communication and problem-solving. When we’re cranky, we tend to take it out on the person closest to us.

Better sleep can boost our sex lives, too. One of the main reasons couples stop having sex is because they’re too damn exhausted.

“This is why couples say one of their most satisfying sexual experiences is when they go on vacation,” says Sari Cooper, a certified sex and couples therapist in New York. “They get time to rest.”

Here’s how psychologists suggest you can successfully sleep apart.

Have a conversation

Don’t stomp off out of bed. It could make your partner feel rejected. Both people need to be OK with the arrangement for it to work.

Choose a time when you are both well-rested. Don’t talk about this in the bedroom.

Ask your partner: Are you sleeping OK? Explain that you want both of you to sleep well. Be reassuring that this is about sleep and not attraction.

Don’t blame. Use “I” instead of “you.” Try: “I get cold at night,” not “you are a blanket hog.”

Keep it targeted. This isn’t the time to talk about everything wrong in your relationship. “Stay focused on how you can be a better partner if you are better slept,” Rand’s Troxel says.

Try it part-time

This doesn’t have to be a full-time arrangement. You can sleep apart during the workweek, or take a break when one person is in a bout of insomnia.

This temporary approach is especially helpful when one partner wants to sleep apart and one doesn’t, Troxel says.

Plan regular intimacy dates

When you sleep in separate beds, there are fewer opportunities for spontaneous sex or even just snuggling. “You need to be intentional about creating the seduction, flirtation and planning to make it happen,” says Cooper, the sex therapist.

Pick a day when you know you will be most relaxed and plan to go to bed an hour earlier. (You’ll want energy!) Build the anticipation beforehand. Send a flirty text or leave a note on your partner’s bed.

And remember: Not all intimacy has to be sexual.

Get in bed together for a little bit each night

Cuddle. Watch a movie. Engage in pillow talk. Then say good night and head off to your separate beds.

“You can shoot for the best of both worlds: time awake in bed together and good sleep,” says Zlatan Krizan, a certified sleep scientist and professor of psychology at Iowa State University.

The Whites, who have been married 33 years, sometimes watch a movie in bed and snuggle. When they want to be intimate, they plan a date night or simply visit each other’s bedroom. Sometimes Paula tells her husband, “I’ll leave the red light on for you tonight.” Both spouses say sex is more pleasurable now because they aren’t so tired and tense.

They have one bedtime ritual they never skip, though. They go upstairs together, kneel on each side of Paula’s bed, and say their prayers. Then they kiss good night and head off to their own rooms.

“Now, when we’re together, we know it’s going to be quality time,” Mark, 61, says.

Pure Amazon, an A&K Sanctuary, has officially launched its voyages into the 21,000-square-kilometre Pacaya-Samiria National Reserve.

Designed for just 22 guests, the new vessel positions itself at the high end of wilderness travel, offering quiet, immersive, and attentive experiences with a one-to-one staff-to-guest ratio. The focus is on proximity to wildlife and landscape, without the crowds that have made parts of the Amazon feel like tourism has arrived before the welcome mat.

Where Architecture Meets the River

The design direction comes from Milan-based architect Adriana Granato, who has reimagined the boat’s interiors as part gallery, part observatory. Floor-to-ceiling windows frame rainforest scenes that shift hour to hour, and every space holds commissioned artworks by Peruvian artists.

The dining room’s centrepiece, Manto de Escamas de Paiche by Silvana Pestana, uses bronze and clay formations that mirror the scale patterns of the Amazon’s giant fish. Pestana’s works throughout the vessel reference environmental fragility, especially the scars left by illegal gold mining.

In each suite, hand-painted kené textiles by Shipibo-Konibo master artist Deysi Ramírez depict sacred geometry in natural dyes. Cushions by the BENEAI Collective feature 20 unique embroidered compositions, supporting Indigenous women artists and keeping traditional techniques alive in a meaningful, non-performative way.

Wildlife Without the Tame Script

Days on board are structured around early and late river expeditions led by naturalist guides. Guests may encounter pink river dolphins cutting through morning mist, three-toed sloths moving like they’re part of the slow cinema movement, and black caimans appearing at night like something from your childhood nightmares.

The prehistoric hoatzin appears along riverbanks, giant river otters hunt in packs, and scarlet macaws behave like the sky belongs to them. The arapaima — the same fish inspiring Pestana’s artwork — occasionally surfaces like an apparition.

A Regional Culinary Lens

The culinary program is led by a team from Iquitos with deep knowledge of Amazonian produce.

Nightly five-course tasting menus lean into local ingredients rather than performing them. Expect dishes like caramelised plantain with river prawns, hearts of palm with passionfruit, and Peruvian chocolate paired with fruits that would be unpronounceable if you encountered them in a supermarket aisle.

A pisco-led bar menu incorporates regional botanicals, including coca leaf and dragon’s blood resin.

A Model of Conservation-First Tourism

Pure Amazon’s conservation approach goes beyond the familiar “offset and walk away” playbook. Through A&K Philanthropy, the vessel’s operations support Indigenous community-led economic initiatives, including sustainable fibre harvesting and honey production in partnership with Amanatari.

Guests also visit FORMABIAP, a bilingual teacher training program supporting cultural and language preservation across several Indigenous communities. Notably, the program enables young women to continue their education while remaining with their families — a rarity in remote regions.

Low-intensity lighting, heat pump technology, and automated systems reduce disturbance to the reserve’s nocturnal wildlife.

The Experience Itself

Itineraries span three, four, or seven nights. Mornings often begin with quiet exploration along mirrorlike tributaries; afternoons allow for spa treatments or time on the open-air deck. Evenings shift into long dinners and soft-lit river watching as the rainforest begins its nightly soundtrack.

Granato describes the vessel as “a mysterious presence on the water,” its light calibrated to resemble fire glow rather than a foreign object imposing itself on the dark.

It is, in other words, slow travel done with precision.

Good News: You Don’t Have to Sleep With Your Spouse

Therapists and sleep scientists say it’s OK for couples to sleep apart, a reversal of a long-held marriage tenet

Have a conversation

Try it part-time

Plan regular intimacy dates

Get in bed together for a little bit each night

Pure Amazon has begun journeys deep into Peru’s Pacaya-Samiria National Reserve, combining contemporary design, Indigenous craftsmanship and intimate wildlife encounters in one of the richest ecosystems on Earth.