How Honest Should You Be During Your Exit Interview?

Millions of people have quit their jobs this year, and many more are expected to join them.

The wave of resignations has presented a quandary for workers headed for the exits—namely, how honest to be with their soon-to-be-former employers about why they are leaving, where they are going and what is happening inside the organization.

In interviews with more than a dozen workers who recently quit their jobs, some said their former employers seemed acutely aware of burnout issues and wanted to know how to be better bosses. A few said their exit interviews seemed perfunctory, as though human-resources personnel were going through the motions.

While it might feel satisfying to air job-related grievances, exit interviews aren’t intended to be venting sessions, says Jane Oates, president of WorkingNation, a nonprofit focused on the challenges facing U.S. workers.

“A company that really wants to learn and grow and be a better employer is going to make that interview as comfortable as possible for you so that you are fully aware that there’s not going to be any retaliatory efforts,” she says. An employer is also documenting what is said, so it is important to carefully consider what you want in your file and be as constructive with criticism as possible, she adds.

“You can be as honest as you care to be, but you have to be professional,” Ms. Oates says.

Several recent quitters said they typed out bullet points about their experiences to consult during their exit conversations because they were determined to raise an alarm with their soon-to-be-former bosses about what they perceived to be a toxic work culture.

One sales associate for an internet marketing company in Chicago says she talked about everything from a lack of paid time off to how the company’s internal memos about Black Lives Matter seemed to lack feeling. That employee says she doesn’t expect anything to change, but appreciated the opportunity to get everything off her chest.

A financial-compliance professional in New York City says she spoke candidly about the poor communication during the pandemic around her employer’s return-to-the-office plan, as well as policies for staffers who tested positive for Covid-19. She says she felt compelled to speak honestly because she had co-workers who were hospitalized with Covid-19, and when they returned home they had to figure out whether they still had jobs waiting for them.

One sales manager at a retail store in Nashville says he loved his job, but was dismayed that his co-workers didn’t consistently wear masks in the store and that his company forbade employees to ask each other about their vaccination status. On an exit survey, he said he wanted to work for a company that stood by its values. So far, he says, he hasn’t received a response to what he wrote.

HR experts say workers aren’t obligated to answer questions—such as where they are going to work or how much they will earn at a new job—during an exit interview. No matter what is implied or even threatened, paychecks and benefits are governed by federal and state laws and an employer can’t withhold your final pay if you don’t participate in an exit interview, says Barbara Holland, an adviser at the Society for Human Resource Management.

A survey conducted last month of more than 1,100 SHRM members found that 43% of HR professionals said their organizations have seen higher or much higher turnover during the past six months, while a further 43% said turnover has been about the same.

Sharing insights about a bad boss or abusive work culture might seem fruitless to an employee who is walking out the door, but those observations can prove critical to building a case for change, Ms. Holland says. If multiple employees leave for the same reason—or because of the same person—but only one speaks up about it, that can make it harder for an HR department to advocate for change, she adds.

Trier Bryant, the chief executive of Just Work LLC, says it is possible to be both respectful and direct when it is necessary to speak up about a negative situation or culture. You might frame your feedback to show you care about the place you are leaving, says Ms. Bryant, who worked for Twitter Inc. TWTR -2.76% and Goldman Sachs Group Inc. GS 3.54% before co-founding Just Work, which helps organizations and individuals create more equitable workplaces.

In her own career, Ms. Bryant says, she has given direct feedback during exit interviews by saying: “I’m sharing this because not only do I care about the company, I care about my colleagues who I’m leaving.”

Most people switch jobs several times during their careers. Even when an employee has complicated feelings about leaving a role or colleagues, Ms. Bryant says, they might focus their exit interview on how their experience prepared them for their next role and emphasize the positive so as to not burn a bridge.

“It is OK for you to be in a company, do great work and then, when you’ve contributed and done your part, go on,” she says.

Charities, distant relatives and even pets are benefiting from surprise inheritances. They can thank people without children.

Not having children is becoming more common, both among millennials and older people. A July Pew Research Center analysis found that 20% of U.S. adults age 50 and older hadn’t had children.

And many of these people don’t have wills. An AARP survey found half of childless people age 50-plus who live alone have a will, compared with 57% of others that age. Those without wills have less control over what happens to their money, which often ends up in the hands of people who don’t expect it.

This phenomenon of a surprise inheritance is common enough that it has a name: the laughing heir .

“All they do is get the money and go, ‘Ah ha ha, look at that,’ ” said Michael Ettinger , an estate lawyer in New York.

Kelley Gilpin McKeig, a 64-year-old healthcare-industry consultant in Ridgefield, Wash., received a phone call several years ago saying her cousin Nick Caldwell left behind money in a savings account. They hadn’t been in touch for 20 years.

“I thought it was a scam,” she said. “Nobody else in our family had heard that he had passed.”

She hunted down his death certificate and a news article and learned he had died about a year and a half before in a workplace accident.

Caldwell, who was in his 50s, had died without a will. His estate was split among cousins and an uncle. It took about two years for the money to be distributed because of the paperwork and court approval involved. Gilpin McKeig’s share was $2,300.

Afterward, she updated her will to make sure what she has doesn’t go to “just anybody down the line, or cousins I don’t care about.”

Who inherits

There are trillions of dollars at stake as baby boomers age.

Most people leave their money to spouses and children when they die. A 2021 analysis of Federal Reserve survey data found that 82% of heirs’ inheritances came from parents.

People with no children say they want to leave a greater share of their estates to charity, friends and extended family , according to research by two Yale law professors that surveyed 9,000 U.S. adults.

Rebecca Fornwalt, a 33-year-old writer, created a trust after landing a book deal. While her heirs are her parents, her backup heirs include her sister and about a half-dozen close friends. She set aside $15,000 for the care of each of her two dogs.

Susan Lassiter-Lyons , a financial coach in Florence, Ariz., said one childless client is leaving equal interests in her home to her two nephews. Another is leaving her home to a man she has been friends with for a long time.

“She broke his heart years ago and she feels guilted into leaving him property,” Lassiter-Lyons said.

A client who is a former escort estranged from her family is leaving her estate to two friends and to charity.

Lassiter-Lyons, who doesn’t have children, set up a trust for her two dogs should she and her wife die. The pet guardian, her wife’s sister, would live in their house while taking care of the dogs. When the dogs die, she inherits the house.

In the Yale study, people without descendants—children or grandchildren—intended to give 10% of their estates to charity, on average, more than triple the intended amount of those with descendants.

The Jewish Community Foundation of Los Angeles, which manages $1.3 billion of assets, a few years ago added an “heirless donors” section to its website that profiles donors and talks about building a legacy.

“Fifteen years ago, we never talked about child-free donors at all,” said Lew Groner , the foundation’s vice president for marketing.

In the absence of a will, heirs are determined by state law . Assets can wind up in the state’s hands. In New York, for example, $240 million in unclaimed funds over the past 10 years has arrived from estates of the deceased, not including real estate, according to the state comptroller’s office. In California, it is $54.3 million.

Hard questions

Financial advisers say a far bigger concern than who gets what is making sure there is enough money and support for a comfortable old age, because clients without children can’t call on them for help.

“I hope there is something left to leave,” said Stephanie Maxfield, a 43-year-old therapist in southern Colorado. “But if there isn’t, I think that’s OK, too.”

She said she would like to leave something to her partner’s nieces and nephews, as well as animal shelters and domestic-violence shelters. Her best friend is a beneficiary.

Choosing an estate executor and who would handle money and health decisions on your behalf can be difficult when you don’t have children, financial advisers say. Using a promised inheritance as a reward for taking care of you when you are older isn’t a good solution, said Jay Zigmont , an investment adviser focused on childless people.

“Unfortunately, it is relatively common to see family members who are in the will decide to opt for cheaper medical care (or similar decisions) in order to protect what they will be inheriting,” he said in an email.

Kirsten Tompkins, who is from Birmingham, U.K., and works in consulting, along with her husband divided their estate among their dozen nieces and nephews.

Choosing heirs was the easy part. What is hard is figuring out whom to ask for help as she and her husband get older, she said.

“A lot of us are at an age where we are playing that role for our parents,” the 50-year-old said, referring to tasks such as providing tech support and taking parents to medical appointments. “Who is going to do that for us?”

How Honest Should You Be During Your Exit Interview?

As more employees head out the door, their talks with HR are heating up.

The bequests benefit charities, distant relatives and even pets

Who inherits

Hard questions