How To Prepare For Short-Term Renters Next Door

My neighbour Bill just told us he is going to rent out his home on a short-term-rental site. Our neighbourhood has always been quiet and peaceful and filled with year-round, full-time residents, so this is new and sort of scary to all of us. How concerned should we be?

Signed, Bill’s Neighbour (a fictitious human)

Dear Bill’s Neighbour:

It was nice of Bill to mention that he was going to be renting the house. I note, however, that you did not say he asked if you would mind, so we have to assume he doesn’t care. Is Bill a little bit of a jerk? A “shovels his driveway but not the old lady across the street” kind of a guy? It doesn’t matter because Bill is now dead to us. You and your neighbours have to worry about yourselves.

The amount of concern you should have about the new, rotating cast of renters next door ranges from “none at all” to “Why is there a car in our pool?” To assist you and your community in dealing with this uninvited incursion by unknown vacationing-type people and other itinerants into your peaceful neighbourhood, here are the various types of short-term renters, and a colour-coded threat level and action plan for each.

Renter type: Invisible

Identified by: Nothing. You literally won’t know they’re there. They are quieter than the neighbours who own the house. This type of renter most likely represents the vast majority of short-term renters; people who just want a quiet family vacation somewhere cool in a nice house. Maybe some porch beers. Wave if you see them, which you won’t.

Threat level: Cellophane. A complete absence of threat. You don’t need to do anything unless you want to, which you won’t.

Renter type: Cool New Friends

Identified by: Musical selections—be it Lizzo, Kenny Chesney or The Carpenters—that coincidentally match yours and are played at socially appropriate hours and decibel levels. They beckon you to come over for drinks when they see you because they want to learn more about your interesting home town. You dig them. You swap emails and make plans to connect when you’re in their home town.

Threat level: Pink… for—LOVE them!!

Renter type: Gang of Inconsiderate Clods

Identified by: Large groups who you can hear talking even when inside your own house because they are always talking at the top of their lungs, though standing mere feet apart. Their cars fill your neighbour’s driveway, part of the street, and will, at some point, block you from leaving your driveway. They give you stink eye when approached about moving the cars. Their music and parties are not quite loud enough and not quite late enough to force you to call the cops, but you’re always a few seconds away from dialing those three magic numbers.

Threat level: Chartreuse. Ignore them to the extent possible. They will be gone in a week.

Renter type: Only People on the Planet

Identified by: Late night parties with music that appears to be entirely bass, screaming fights on the front yard, toddlers meandering aimlessly and unchaperoned on the street, animals of all sorts running off leash, at least three appearances by the cops. Hammering on your front door at 3 a.m. by confused/lost renters demanding to be let in or else they’ll “kick in your teeth.” These renters have zero respect for, indeed seem unaware of, the fact that they are not the only people on Earth.

Threat level: Red mist. Before you wake up in the backyard of Bill’s house with a gas can and a lighter, with no idea how you got there, have a heart to heart with him. Tell him his renters are not only destroying the fabric of the community and violating the town noise ordinances, but they are trying to saw up his wooden patio furniture for the fire pit, have dumped a bunch of green Jello powder into his pool, and are turning his garage door into a mural of some sort. Don’t feel bad about lying. It’s the least of the sins currently occurring on or near your property.

Renter type: Rave Advertised on TikTok

Identified by: Thousands and thousands of people. Unconscious or tweaking partiers everywhere, including your bathtub. (Does it matter at this point how they got there?) SWAT team response with National Guard unit on standby.

Threat level: For Sale. Move out as soon as you can. Then list with a local real-estate agent who is a good liar (redundancy alert), or find out which short-term-rental site Bill is using.

A unique home on the outskirts of London within a former chapel that had a starring role in the hit TV series “Call the Midwife” is on the rental market for £39,000 (US$48,568) per month.

The four-bedroom home was carved out of St Joseph’s Missionary College, which, founded in 1871, trained young Catholic priests to work as missionaries abroad, according to listing agency Dexters.

Before its conversion to a lavish private residence, the college’s chapel had a starring role as nursing convent Nonnatus House in the first two seasons of the feel-good BBC show, which focuses on a church-funded midwifery in the 1950s and 1960s, based on the bestselling memoirs of Jennifer Worth, a former London nurse.

When the historic college was sold for redevelopment in 2013, and production of “Call The Midwife” transferred to a studio set, the chapel—along with the rest of the building—was born again.

The home is part of the former St Joseph’s Missionary College, now a gated development.
Dexters

Still going by the apt moniker of the Chapel, the home is the centrepiece of the site, which is now a gated development known as St Joseph’s Gate, said Dexters, which brought the home to the market in late February.

The home spans almost 10,000 square feet and “blends historic architecture, soaring open plan living spaces and every possible contemporary comfort,” said Andy Christophi, director of Dexters Finchley.

The chapel’s nave is now the dramatic heart of the home, complete with a 45-foot high vaulted timber ceiling.

The vast open-plan area—which also has columns and gothic-style arches—has a handcrafted kitchen, temperature-controlled wine storage, a curved living area with Victorian windows and enough space to easily host 30 at a dinner table, the listing said.

Above, a mezzanine bedroom has been constructed to appear as though floating above the main living area below.

The home also has a gym, a spa area with a sauna and steam room, and a media room.

“Perfect for a family that loves to entertain, its use as a filming location…makes it particularly iconic, and means you’ll never run out of dinner party conversation,” Christophi said.