It’s Optional, Except It’s Not: You’ve Been Voluntold

Come to my meeting. Plan my bachelorette party. Help with this project that’s totally not in your job description.

Please?

We’ve all been there, trying to persuade people to do things they don’t have to do, and probably don’t want to either. Or, we’re staring down a painful request ourselves.

“Inside, you’re questioning, like, how did I get here?” says Matt Brattin, a software company executive based in Fresno, Calif.

Over the years, he has been talked into everything from taking notes at meetings that had nothing to do with his job to donning a giant gnome costume at an employee event in the Texas summer heat. (He was working for Travelocity—whose mascot was a gnome—at the time.)

“Is this a thing I even have an option to say no to?” he wondered.

Definitely. It’s time to learn the delicate art of ‘voluntelling’: persuading people to help, or, if you’re the one always being voluntold, getting out of it.

The power of silence

Scoring the answer you want starts with asking the right questions, says Jonah Berger, an associate professor of marketing at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School.

You want to pose queries that guide the person down a path that inevitably ends at the destination of your choosing. Aren’t you excited about so-and-so’s new baby? (Yes!) Shouldn’t we have a shower for her? (Of course!) Can you help me plan it?

Make sure to pause frequently as you encourage the person toward your conclusion, says Prof. Berger, the author of a book about the magic words we can use to persuade others. A moment of silence is a cue for the other person to shake their head yes or mutter “uh huh.”

“They are implicitly starting to agree with what you’re saying,” he says. “You’ve given them that space.”

Best to also give the person choices. Would he rather be in charge of finding a venue, or coordinating the food? We all want to feel like we have autonomy, Prof. Berger says. Confronted with specific options, we’re more likely to focus on the possibilities we’ve been given, not declining altogether.

Skip the apologies

Don’t be tentative or apologetic with your request, says Bob Bordone, who coaches executives on negotiation. Saying sorry gives the person an easy window to say no.

“I’d be super grateful if you could help us out with this,” Mr. Bordone recommends saying.

Tap in to the other person’s perspective to make the offer one that they want to say yes to. What’s important to them? What do they care about?

When Wassia Kamon, a finance professional in the Atlanta area, noticed the supply-chain team at a former job was putting wrong data into her accounting system, she knew confronting the team’s leader with accusations and demands wouldn’t get her anywhere. The group didn’t report to her, and the executive had years more experience than she did.

Instead, she explained she wanted the departments to work better together, and help the company run more smoothly. After the pair held a group meeting with both departments, the supply-chain workers stopped making mistakes, and Ms. Kamon’s relationship with the executive got more cordial, not less.

“How can we form little alliances?” she asks herself.

Add some peer pressure

You can build additional momentum by winning support from people who are close to the person you’re ultimately trying to convince, says Allison Shapira, the chief executive of Global Public Speaking, a firm that trains managers to communicate persuasively. Think about who the person you need the yes from trusts. Get them on board first.

“Now all she’s doing is joining her colleagues in this, as opposed to standing out,” Ms. Shapira says.

Giving a specific deadline can also help, making the request feel less nebulous and open-ended.

If you suspect the person is going to be resistant, you can briefly acknowledge the road blocks or pressures she’s facing. You know she has another project on her plate, or that staffing is tight. Then quickly pivot back to potential solutions. Ms. Shapira recommends asking questions like, “What would make it easier for your team to attend this meeting?”

Say no with conviction

Sometimes, we’re on the other side, our hand raised for us.

Even when we feel we’ve already been roped into something, we still have the power to decline, says Vanessa Patrick, a marketing professor at University of Houston and author of a coming book about the science of saying no.

Avoid making excuses, she advises. At some point in the future, the excuse won’t be applicable. Instead, tie your no to your identity, using the word “don’t.” I don’t lend money to family members. I don’t volunteer in my kid’s classroom during the workday.

Research from Prof. Patrick and a colleague finds that using “don’t” instead of “can’t” increases the chances the person will respect your no, and adds to your resolve.

Worried about sounding harsh? Buffer the direct language with nonverbal cues, such as smiling, leaning forward, using your body language to communicate warmth, she says.

If you’re still tempted to go along with the demand, buy yourself some time by saying it’s your policy to take 24 hours to consider requests. Remind yourself of the opportunity cost. What will you miss out on if you begrudgingly agree to do this?

After all, convincing others to say yes is a valuable skill. But so is saying no when the moment calls for it.

Australia’s wealthiest donors are becoming more strategic, more ambitious and increasingly focused on creating measurable impact, according to Sydney Children’s Hospitals Foundation chief executive Kristina Keneally.

Speaking after the 2026 Gold Dinner, held last week in Sydney, Keneally said Australia was experiencing a significant shift in how major philanthropy is viewed, with large-scale giving increasingly part of conversations about leadership, legacy and social impact.

The annual Gold Dinner, now in its 29th year, brought together some of the country’s most influential business leaders, philanthropists and cultural figures, raising $75.5 million and counting in support of the Sydney Children’s Hospitals Network.

While the event has become one of Australia’s most prestigious fundraising gatherings, Keneally said its significance extends far beyond a single evening.

“Gold Dinner, the flagship event of Sydney Children’s Hospitals Foundation, represents far more than a single evening. It is a powerful demonstration of what a committed community can achieve together over 12 months,” she said.

“The strength of that community, and the trust built over nearly three decades, means people return not just for the event, but for the impact they know it delivers.”

A NEW ERA OF PHILANTHROPY

Large-scale philanthropy has long been a feature of American society, where charitable foundations and major donors often play a prominent role in funding medical research, education and social programs.

Keneally believes Australia is moving in a similar direction.

“Australia is building a stronger culture of large-scale philanthropy, but it is still evolving compared to the United States, where giving at scale is more deeply embedded and widely recognised,” she said.

She said the country’s philanthropic landscape was becoming more sophisticated as successful business leaders increasingly sought opportunities to create meaningful change through their giving.

“In Australia, while generosity has always been strong, large-scale giving has historically been less visible, but that is changing rapidly as more leaders embrace philanthropy as a powerful way to drive meaningful outcomes.”

According to Keneally, events such as the Gold Dinner are helping reshape public perceptions of philanthropy by demonstrating the tangible outcomes that major donations can achieve.

“Gold Dinner is helping to reshape how philanthropy is perceived in Australia, making it more visible, more aspirational and more connected to real-world outcomes,” she said.

WHERE THE MONEY GOES

The funds raised through Gold Dinner support clinical care, research and innovation across the Sydney Children’s Hospitals Network.

Over the past 12 months, more than $75.5 million has been raised to help fund advanced medical equipment, innovative care models and world-leading medical research. Areas of focus include precision medicine and early diagnosis, where emerging technologies are already changing how childhood illnesses are detected and treated.

Keneally said the impact is felt directly by children and families facing some of the most difficult moments of their lives.

“For children and families, this translates into very real and immediate impact. It means faster diagnoses, earlier access to life-saving treatments, and care that is more personalised and effective,” she said.

“It also ensures hospitals are equipped not just to respond to illness, but to reimagine what care can look like, giving children the best possible chance not only to survive, but to live full, healthy lives.”

BUSINESS LEADERS BACKING CHANGE

One of the defining characteristics of Gold Dinner is the calibre of its supporters.

The event has evolved into a meeting point for influential leaders from business, culture and philanthropy, many of whom see charitable giving as an extension of their professional and personal legacy.

“It speaks to a community that is not only generous, but increasingly ambitious in how it gives, combining influence, expertise and purpose to achieve outcomes at scale,” Keneally said.

Among the major supporters of this year’s event were Presenting Partner, John-Paul Nassif Foundation; Major Partners, ABC Bullion, Shaw and Partners Financial Services and One Circular Quay by Lendlease; and Premier Partner, Range Rover, whose ongoing support reflects a shared philosophy of legacy and long-term impact.

The evening also featured performances, premium hospitality experiences and fundraising initiatives designed to encourage further support for children’s health services and research.

LOOKING BEYOND NEW HOSPITALS

With major new children’s hospital developments at Randwick and Westmead progressing, Keneally said the focus is increasingly turning towards what comes next.

“The long-term vision is to ensure every child has access to world-leading healthcare, care that continues to evolve through innovation, research and global collaboration,” she said.

The foundation’s future priorities include accelerating medical discovery, expanding access to cutting-edge treatments and helping position New South Wales as a global leader in children’s health.

Keneally said the Gold Dinner remains central to achieving those ambitions because it does more than raise money.

“Gold Dinner is critical to making that vision possible. It not only provides significant funding, but also unites a powerful network of supporters who are driving the future of philanthropy in Australia,” she said.

As Australia’s culture of philanthropy continues to mature, Keneally believes that the network will play an increasingly important role in shaping the future of healthcare for generations to come.

“The result is a community that is helping to shape the future of paediatric care, not just for today’s patients, but for generations to come.”